Rather than leaving a gaping hole where transcripts of his unfettered wit should go, PJB has offered to make something up using what topics might spark interest at the moment. Because this is admittedly somewhat underhanded, he feels honor-bound to handicap the results by assigning an imaginary journalist of limited competence.

INTERVIEWER: So Bracegirdle—that’s a weird name.
P.J. BRACEGIRDLE: Yes.
INT: Brace and Girdle. Get it?
PJB: Yes.
INT: It sounds made up. Did you make it up?
PJB: No.
INT: The kids must have really made fun of you.
PJB: Yes.
INT: What funny names did they call you?
PJB: “Bracegirdle.”
INT: What about “Girdlebrace”?
PJB: Yes.
INT: I knew it! That’s totally what I would have called you! Anyway, so you’re an author.
PJB: Yes.
INT: Of children’s books.
PJB: Yes.
INT: Aren’t you worried?
PJB: Worried?
INT: That the kids are going to start making fun of you. Again.
PJB: (Shrugs.)
INT: Well, you should be.
PJB: Oh.
INT: You should think about changing it, to something a bit tougher.
PJB: Really?
INT: Like P.J. Hemingway—how cool does that sound?
PJB: Very?
INT: Exactly. Wanna hear the good news? You can use it—no charge. And feel free to give me a call when you are set up with your new name. We can redo this whole interview.
PJB: Okay.
INT: It was nice meeting, you, Girdlebrace.
PJB: Thanks.